An actor's dreams and doubts: Advent Calendar - December 2

An actor's dreams and doubts presents: Kiki Hohnen, half Australian and half Dutch. The best of both worlds combined :-). The word is her's.

Kiki Hohnen

"Yes! You *have* to be prepared to be the stupidest-looking person in the room. Well done, Kiki."

It was the weirdest compliment I'd ever gotten, but I was delighted. A huge hero of mine, Rachel Miller, had just watched me pull grotesque faces and writhe around grunting in my second impro class, and it had met her approval.

I had started improvising in the summer of 2004, after two friends had signed me up for a class I was too chicken to register for myself. I was scared I'd fail. I was scared I'd find out I couldn't do it. Most of all, I was scared I wasn't funny.

This blog is partially about an actor's doubts. As artists, we are opening ourselves up to criticism, perhaps especially so in impro - all the choices we make are ours, there is no director we can blame for poor scenes, lines, or blocking. And at the same time, impro is just so hugely liberating. We are taught to say yes, which means such a wide variety of things that I can't cover them all in this post. But in its essence, it means seeing potential rather than problems.

The only way to succeed in a scene is to commit to it fully, and the only way to commit fully is to let go, stop worrying and get your head in the scene. Yes, you are taking a risk, and yes, you may fail. But going for it and making something happen on stage is so much fun. Sure, I'm not a fan of failing, but I'm not that scared of it anymore that I'm not going to take the chance. If it happens, it really isn't that bad. Nobody dies. As Rachel put it, "the worst thing that can happen is that you won't be invited to that audience member's birthday party - do you care?"

And if you do manage to relax into the idea that you may look like a complete tool, really fun things can happen. Saying yes to things becomes addictive.

Without any particular skill in any of the respective areas, I have, among other things

- freestyle rapped on stage

- been a go go dancer at a London burlesque club

- pretended to be a living statue on Amsterdam's main square (and made over 2 euros)

- written a blog post for my friend's blog on acting

and it's been a blast. Join me, why don't you?