Advent Calendar - December 15 - Sema Tanrıöver

An actor's dreams and doubts Advent Calendar proudly presents - December 15 - Sema Tanrıöver from Turkey. Sema's smile make you warm inside and you have to know that she is a fantastic singer. The word is hers.

 

 

 

 

Bayram and Christmas

 

 

I loved the idea when dear Lina asked me to draft something about my country’s traditions of celebrating  religious holidays in order to be posted in her Advent Calendar and decided to tell you all not only the way my family celebrates the 2 Turkish holidays but my first Christmas in Amsterdam as well. The spirit behind “Bayram” and “Christmas” are quite similar unless you are one of those strictly religious types. I like the spiritual side of the religions rather than their institutional aspect which generally finds a way to create a conflict of interest. Therefore let’s get into a plane now and fly to Turkey in order to celebrate a Bayram together with my familyJ Ready to take off? On behalf of the humble author of this article and the crew, being my family here, I wish you a good reading, happy Bayram and merry Chrismas.

 

Let me start by introducing some useful definitions: Bayram means feast in Turkish. For instance “Noel Bayramı” is the “Christmas feast” which is only celebrated by the Christian minority there. In Turkey the majority celebrates 2 Turkish religious holidays. And although these are religious holidays there are thousands of families who celebrate them with a spirit beyond a religion because they reunite families and friends, siblings, let them wine (or Rakı which is the favorite drink of Turks) and dine together. Family rituals may be defined as behaviors or activities involving most or all members of the family which occur episodically, have a symbolic meaning for family members, and are valued by the participants so that they would like the activity to be carried on in the future. For my family like many other Turkish families as well a “Bayram” is definitely a very important gathering and ritual rather than a religious ceremony.

 

The first Bayram is Şeker Bayramı, which is also called the Sugar Festival, takes place at the end of fasting month of Ramadan and lasts for three days. This religious feast is celebrated with family reunions and giving the presents and sweets to visitors. During the feast of Şeker Bayramı older members of the family are respected by kissing their hands and many Turkish men if not most of them, attend mosques. (The male members of my family fall under this “If not most of them” category. Somehow nobody in my family likes any of the institutions such as mosques or churches to enter between them and the god almighty or you may call her/him or it a supernatural universal power.)  The second one is Kurban Bayramı which occurs two months after the Seker Bayramı, and lasts for four days. This feast commemorates the thwarted sacrifice of Ishmael by Abraham, which is a Koranic version of the Abraham-and-Isaac story, and used to be distinguished with the dispatch of a sheep. In recent years Muslims have begun to make donations to charitable institutions instead of sacrificing animals. Anyway, that much of general information will be enough I suppose. Now let’s go back to my family ritualJ

 

According to me family traditions are activities which are less culture-specific and more unique to each family. I have a big family which comes mainly from the maternal side. Many cousins,aunts,uncles and my dear nephew. When the whole family comes together, and that’s what more or less happens during bayrams, we can perform Nabuco with its extended Hebrew chorus since there will be enough number of people to fulfill the required vast cast of the opera! ( A bit of exaggeration would not hurt!:J) For a child bayram means joy, lots of fun, being spoiled, playing together with all the cousins, going to funfair…etc. For me and for my brother it had an additional meaning which was having a different costume for each day of bayram, meticulously designed and sewed by my mother who was a good and very well-known tailor in the city. I believe that I got my refined taste in outfit and garments from her. On the eve of Bayram I was going to bed with the excitement of the costumes and the fun of the following 3 or 4 days. In the morning of the first feast day after exchanging “happy bayram” wishes and kisses, we used to go to my paternal granmother’s house in order to have a Bayram breakfast. After the breakfast we the children (my brother and I) were kissing the adults’ hands ( this is a very well-known tradition in Turkish culture and is taken as a symbol of paying your respect to the adults, such as your grannies, aunties, parents…etc)  and taking our gifts or pocket money specifically attributed to Bayram and was supposed to be spent at the carousel later at the funfair. The paternal side of the family was not that big therefore the real big fun always started as of the afternoon at my maternal grannies’ house. All the cousins, aunts, uncles and other siblings ( the aforementioned Nabuco cast I meanJ)  sitting around the huge table and rakıing&dining&singing the whole evening starting as of the late afternoon was a beautiful scene which is engraved to my mind. At the end of the first day, which is the most important day of the Bayram, I remember going to bed happily exhausted due to the exuberant and joyful day and running around not only with my cousins but also with my grand father’s 2 dogs and 3 cats . My maternal grandfather was not a religious man. He was a very special personage to me and was a highly respected wise man among his friends and neighbours. In terms of belief, like all his children and grand-childeren, I follow him and his thoughts which made me the open-minded person of today.“The belief should spring and stay in your heart. It is not something that you should or are supposed to show off.The only thing that matters is being a person with good conscience.” He used to say. May him rest in peace. Actually from a child’s perspective it was an amazing feeling to observe him being a very respectful personage in the society while he was refusing all kinds of worshipping acts suggested by the institutionalized religion.

 

After I left Eskişehir, my dear home town, and went first to Ankara for university, then to Istanbul to meet with the finance world, finally to Amsterdam again for business reasons I could never have the chance to join that big and joyful celebrations every year on regular basis. Although I have always enjoyed and still am enjoying living in different cities of the world other than my home town and never feel homesick, only during the first day of Bayram’s I feel a kind of emptiness and longing for that special big gathering. Always missed the joy and spiritual enlightenment that came along with it.

 

It was 2002; my second year in Amsterdam but was my first Christmas. Because in 2001 which was my Christmas in Holland I had taken a four days of vacation like many expatriates doJ  I was again planning to take a short trip to Istanbul when my dear neighbour José asked me to join them for Christmas celebration at her place. Her mother in law was my next door neighbour who was a lovely elderly lady and whom I called “Tante Rini” and loved dearly. José told me how they celebrate the Christmas. All the family coming together, she and her husband, grandma, three sons and daughter-in-laws, grand and grand-grand children and of course their cats and enjoying the day with wining&dining&singing together! The same scene of Bayram with my family!  Merely with one difference; the wine was replaced by the rakı J.

 

When I received that sincere invitation  from my neighbour, I felt deeply surprised, genuinely happy and rather emotional. That first Christmas  day of 2002 was a very special day for me. Being a part of my dear Dutch neighbour’s family reminded me the Bayram’s  and brought me back to my beautiful memories. On that specific day I realized that the spirit behind the Christmas and the Bayram was the same. An open-mind and a loving heart were the only two tools that you need in order to discover that mutual spirit.

 

People are the same wherever you go. They have exactly the same needs. They need to get together, need to share the feeling that they are not alone. Perhaps due to that need of protection they “invented” the religion.

 

Listen to the Christmas bells merrily ringing and calling us to get together.

 

So cheers everybodyJ  Here’s to Christmas!

 

With love /sevgilerimle

 

Sema Tanrıöver

 

 

 

December 15