New York! New York!

This is scary! I am about to out my dream to the world.

If you knew the way to fulfillment wouldn't you follow it? Some might think that happiness comes easy and for them it might be true. For me happiness is something that requires hard work. At least if I want to live my life fully. You see, my dream is one that I share with many and the competition is hard. Most would say and many have said; if you can pick something else, do it. I have spent 10 years looking for that something else and I came back empty-handed with the same dream. 10 years of wasted time, some would say, but I know that the person I was 10 years ago was not in state to go after that dream. Now some would say it is too late and that I am too old. A fear I face myself every day. I will listen to what Joni Mitchell said: "I learned a woman is never an old woman". I hope the world will start to agree with her at some point. Preferably sooner than later. Why not make it now. 

My dream is to make a living from acting and writing and to do that I want to attend the two year Acting program of Meisner training at The Neighborhood Playhouse in New York City. To follow in the footsteps of my late Meisner teacher Jacqueline McClintock, not just the best teacher I ever had but a force of nature who left us too early.

I want to become the best actor, and maybe even a Meisner teacher, that I can be and I believe that this is the path that will lead me there. The road there is a mountain of money that I don't have. When applying I have to guarantee that I can pay the tuition and I will need money to live while I am there. Time is running out and my brain is about to backfire while figuring out a way to get there. I guess some of you will think that this is not an issue since I could just save for a few years and then go there. Well, I am 31 years old. The average students there are in their early twenties. As a woman you should preferable have made it as an actor in your twenties if you want to be a professional. Another issue is children, I don't have them but I may want a couple in a few years. Hypothetically when starting this school in September next year I will be 32. If I get invited back to attend the second year, which I think would be the most important one, I will be almost 34 by the time I graduate.  

There are many ideas about acting out there. Many might think that dreaming of making a living as a professional actor is seeking a glamorous and easy life. Well who wouldn't want an easy life, not having to worry about money and well-being. But to think that most actors have that as a reason for wanting to make it as a professional is a disillusion. There are of course those who have that as their main objective when it comes to acting, but they might then be a bit less picky of what parts to play and in which productions they want to take part. Some of my friends think that most actors have that ambition and have suggested that that is what I am doing too, living in a dream world. They couldn't be more wrong. Acting for most actors is the total opposite of that. You have to work hard on inconvenient hours and for most of the time you are not sure if you can pay the rent every month. You have to apply for more jobs than most and you have to do it often since when you are hired it is very often short term. You have to live with rejection and not take it personally. You will screw up again and again and you will have to pull yourself together and try not to beat yourself up about it which most do even though they know they shouldn't, me included. Acting I think is one of the most self-destructing occupations if you can't deal with it. We still do it. So why do so many, including me, still strive to make it as professional actors? I will tell you why I do in this blog.