Advent Calendar - December 6 - Nicolas

An actor's dreams and doubts Advent Calendar proudly presents - December 6 - Nicolas from France. Nicolas is not afraid of showing his heart, he shines and you feel good when you are around him. The word is his:

A love letter to actors, the self-made heroes

Remember, remember the 6^th of December,
Snow powder memories and hopes,
I see no reason why our past innocence
Should ever be forgot.

The 6^th of December is the day of Saint-Nicholas, my saint patron. They say we are all named after heroes of the past. Saint-Nicholas was a savior. He is especially known as the protector of sailors and children, which is exactly how I see myself as an actor: a sailor and a child. A relentless traveler that is both dazzled and confused by the world around him.

Charles Baudelaire once said that genius is no more than childhood recaptured. An actor is someone who must move heaven and earth to recapture his own innocence.

Acting is the only thing you absolutely cannot do without a strong sense of who you are beyond self-manipulation, delusion and denial.

The beauty of it is that it is not so much about merely accepting yourself, it is about truly appreciating yourself. Because in any case, as Stanislavsky said, you are a thousand times more interesting than the actor you think you want to be.

Acting also means being able to connect to others, and become more and more intimate with them as you learn to own your truth and stand your ground, which is difficult for actors, whose sensitivity and sense of observation tends tomake them stand out and isolate them from the rest of the crowd.

Your talent is a gift if you know yourself but is a burden if you don’t. The Albatross by Charles Baudelaire is one of my favorite poems and I think it perfectly encapsulates the duality of an artist’s life. A giant bird that flies high in the sky but who starts limping once it touches the ground:

The Albatross by Charles Baudelaire

Often, to amuse themselves, the men of the crew

Catch those great birds of the seas, the albatrosses,
lazy companions of the voyage, who follow
The ship that slips through bitter gulfs.

Hardly have they put them on the deck,
Than these kings of the skies, awkward and ashamed,
Piteously let their great white wings
Draggle like oars beside them.

This winged traveler, how weak he becomes and slack!
He who of late was so beautiful, how comical and ugly!
Someone teases his beak with a branding iron,
Another mimics, limping, the crippled flyer!

The Poet is like the prince of the clouds,
Haunting the tempest and laughing at the archer;
Exiled on earth amongst the shouting people,
His giant's wings hinder him from walking.

 (Translation by Geoffrey Wagner)

So is Saint-Nicholas or anyone else going to save me andhelpfind that courage? Not likely. Who does that leave me with then? Me.

I must realize that my vulnerability is what makes me powerful. And I must use my imagination to go beyond what I think I am, because only what I think about me can stop me. As Stephen King once wrote: “Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win.”

Let us not let them win. Let us be our own heroes instead of waiting for one to show up. Let us be the person we wish we had around as a role-model. Let us be that role-model for ourselves and others.To me, there is no better spiritual practice than an actor’s training.

Nicolas 

December 6